Grokkist Newsletter #72

Hey friends,

Let's talk about something I think of as the secret vow of the hyper-responsible.

Some of us took this vow without realising—usually in childhood, usually in response to chaos, absence, or unheld space.

It went something like:

• If no one else will hold it, I will.
• If the adults are inconsistent, I’ll be consistent.
• If the world is unjust, I’ll try to make it fair.
• If the system is broken, I’ll at least make sure it doesn’t break anyone on my watch.

And later, if you’ve built your life around care, integrity, and doing the right thing—even when no one’s watching—it morphs into subtler questions:

• If I speak about joy while others are grieving, does that mean I don’t care?
• If I’m doing well and not visibly suffering for it—what part of me have I betrayed?
• If I don’t hold this, who will?

This is hyper-responsibility. And if you’re grokkist-coded—someone who lives by values, who sees systems clearly and cares deeply—there’s a good chance this vow lives in you too.

It often gets mistaken for pride or moral self-righteousness. But really, it’s a bone-deep, possibly pre-verbal commitment to coherence and continuity of care. A default setting that says: I’ll hold the integrity here, because no one else seems to be doing it.

The people who carry this don’t announce it. They just silently become the ones everyone leans on.

The stories I grew up with made this feel noble. Lord of the Rings, Arthurian legend, Terry Pratchett’s witches and watchmen.

Frodo takes the Ring because someone must. Sam follows because he can’t not. Carrot leads without seeking power. Vimes keeps watch so the beast stays caged.

The witches—Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, Magrat—each carry the weight of care that isn’t glamorous but must be done. And Susan Sto Helit (Death's granddaughter – long story) steps in when Death won’t. She doesn’t want the job, but she knows what happens if she doesn’t take it.

Even Colonel Jessup, in A Few Good Men, is an uncomfortable mirror for this.

“You can’t handle the truth! I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom.”

It’s easy to dismiss that as bluster or military theatre. But listen closely—it’s a confession. He’s made peace with being the one who bears the moral stain, so others don’t have to. And he needs the myth to make it bearable and noble, so he can live with the costs he’s borne and the parts of himself he’s silenced.

And he's not entirely wrong.

Some people do carry unbearable weight so others don’t have to.
Some people do see what others refuse to face.
There is a certain dignity in doing what must be done, even if no one says thank you.

But the cost of carrying too much, for too long, is often self-erasure.

That’s where the martyr economy comes in—the invisible operating system that quietly governs so many values-driven, care-infused spaces.

The one that says your work only matters if it’s hard. That being exhausted is proof you haven’t sold out. That making money means you’ve compromised your soul.

This is where so many grokkists get stuck. And dear reader, let me be clear—this call is coming from inside the house. I know this script. I’m still living it.

We escape the obvious traps—compliance, conformity, corporate bullshit.

But we stay caught in the belief that suffering is what gives our work value.

So let me say it plainly:

Sacrifice is not the only way to show you care.

And being financially fit isn’t a betrayal of your ethics—it’s what lets you sustain them.

In The Future of the Responsible Company, Yvon Chouinard, Patagonia’s founder, calls financial fitness the first responsibility. Because you can’t protect wildness if you can’t keep the lights on. You can’t rehumanise systems while hollowing yourself out.

And yes—there’s heartbreak in the world this week, as there is every week. But this space isn’t where I process that weight. That’s not avoidance so much as discernment. It’s knowing what I’m here to carry—and what I’m not.

And especially if you grew up working-class or shaped by survival logic, this gets more tangled. We were taught to mistrust ease. To see wealth as betrayal. We thought class betrayal meant driving a luxury car—but it turns out it can look more like letting your life be good.

It might look like charging what your work is worth.
Saying no when you used to say yes.
Or simply inviting in joy and letting yourself receive care, without flinching.

These acts can stir a lot. Sometimes it feels like you’re betraying where you came from. Sometimes it feels like you’re betraying the part of you that made a secret vow to carry everything.

But maybe the real betrayal is staying loyal to a story that asks you to disappear to prove that you care.

So ask yourself:

If I no longer need to carry it all—what might I finally give myself permission to receive?

Even Gandalf sails West.
Even Granny Weatherwax dies—and Death himself comes to pay respect.
Even Susan puts the poker down and lets the world turn.

They don’t vanish. The work continues.

What they carried doesn’t disappear—it settles into something larger than them. The point isn’t disappearance. It’s the reminder that even those who carry the most eventually set it down—and finally trust the world to keep turning.

So let others grieve, if they must.
Let them judge, if they will.
But you? You have permission to build what only you can build. And to enjoy building it.

The world doesn’t just need your labour.
It needs your aliveness.

With curiosity and care,
Danu

Fresh and Featured Pressings

Getting Unstuck

By Margarita Steinberg (8 min read / 16 min listen)

What if you’re not stuck — just circling the wrong question?

Read or listen to the article ↗

History as it was?

By Peter Gilderdale (5 min read)

The past may be a foreign country – but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to speak its language.

Read the article ↗

More from the Press

• Professionalism – for better or worse (Peter Gilderdale, 5 min read) – Is professionalism always a virtue? Or can it be the mask of complicity?

Upcoming Events

🟢 Pecha Kucha Knock-Off Event

🗓️ Thur 7 Aug | 7pm–8.30pm New York time (view in your timezone)
Facilitated by Kleine Zwemmen

What if, instead of posting a hello in a forum thread, you introduced yourself with a 20-slide lightning talk about your favourite obscure topic while a timer clicks down in the background and your community cheers you on?

That’s the energy of our Pecha Kucha–style Knock-Off — a playful remix of the classic rapid-fire presentation format. Presenters share 20 image-only slides, speaking for 20 seconds per slide. It’s fast, it’s fun, it’s fleeting — and it’s a brilliant way to get to know your fellow grokkists.

Whether you’re into surrealist collage, midnight urban cartography, worms, folk harps, or the semiotics of snack packaging, this is your chance to open a little window into your world — or just come along to enjoy the ride.

Event Details and RSVP ↗

🟢 Grokkist Writing Salon – August 2025

🗓️ Mon 4 Aug | 7pm–8.30pm UK time (view in your timezone)
Facilitated by Alan Raw

This is the second session of something new—a regular rhythm for people who write (or want to), who care about what they’re saying and how they’re saying it, and who don’t want to do it alone. Find out more about the Grokkist Writing Salon here.

Here’s what we’ll do:

• Start with check-ins—what’s on your mind as a writer?
• Read something you’ve been working on (finished or in progress)—get reflective, appreciative feedback
• Play together—create short stories or ideas collaboratively
• Open it up—discussion, collaboration invites, and a circle of care for anyone needing momentum or support

No prep needed, no pressure to read unless you want to. This isn’t about polish—it’s about practice, connection, and having somewhere to bring your words.

Event Details and RSVP ↗

Other Upcoming Events

• 15 Aug | 🟣 Grokkist Members Meetup [Aug '25]
• 26 Aug | 🟢 Grok Cafe [#6 in 2025]

#1 - Why are we lying to young people about work?

why are we lying to young people about work?

hard work isn’t the tax you pay for living, it’s the tuition for a life worth having -your fav gen z philosopher x

learning-loving & meaning-makingMaalvika

Somewhere between the gospel of “do what you love” and the cynicism of “it’s just a job” lies the messy, complicated truth about work—and Maalvika plants her flag right there. Her essay dismantles the myth that passion makes effort disappear, and instead reframes work as a kind of sacred maintenance: meaningful not because it’s easy, but because it asks something of us.

There’s something comforting and confronting about a take that doesn’t try to resolve the tension. This piece punctures the passion-industrial complex without retreating into cynicism, sketching instead a grounded vision of work as tending—messy, repetitive, sometimes mundane, but chosen.

It hits especially if you’ve known the weary freedom of self-employment, or the dull ache of a job that takes your time but not your mind. Somewhere between those poles, you begin to notice: it’s not about bliss or suffering, but whether you’re still willing to keep showing up. Maybe the goal isn’t passion at all—but practice, and the possibility of meaning that accrues through doing.

#2 - Everyday Things with Personality

From her south London home studio, photo stylist-turned-illustrator Charlotte Love turns everyday snacks and objects into cheerful characters with a wink of surreal silliness. Explore more of Charlotte’s playful creations at charlotteloveshop.com or follow her on Instagram @charlottelovely.

#3 - The mana of digging a grave

The mana of digging a grave

On learning an underappreciated but vitally important skill.

The SpinoffLiam Rātana

In Aotearoa New Zealand, tangi are traditional Māori funerals that mix deep ceremony with everyday acts of service. This piece by Liam Rātana takes us into one such rite and what starts as a personal memory of digging his first grave becomes a meditation on the physical, emotional, and cultural weight of the role. It's a window into Māori tikanga around death, and a tender exploration of intergenerational learning, grief, and belonging. Notice how the practical choreography of shovels, spray paint, and clay becomes a rite of passage—and how humour and humility live alongside reverence. There’s mana in the mud, and dignity in the dig.

#4 - The Activist Handbook

Activist Handbook | Campaigning guides for activists ✊

We write guides for activists. Learn how to become a social activist, plan a political campaign strategy, and start a grassroots movement.

Start reading

A wiki for world-changers, the Activist Handbook is less manifesto, more how-to—covering everything from organising a protest to surviving burnout. You can dip into comms strategies, facilitation tips, or the fine art of not accidentally replicating the very systems you're resisting. It’s collaborative, scrappy, and delightfully meta: activists building infrastructure for activism itself. Pay attention to how it invites you not just to use it, but to co-create it—because the real handbook is the movement.

#5 - Street Art That Looks Like Science

French street artist Mantra creates large-scale murals of insects, birds, and natural specimens with near-photographic detail. His work draws attention to the fragile beauty of non-human life, often depicting creatures as preserved specimens—accurate down to the wing veins and antennae. They’re a decorative commentary on biodiversity loss and the way urban spaces erase the natural world. His murals stand out not only for their technical skill, but for how they make you notice what’s missing from the everyday landscape. See more on Instagram @mantrarea.

Membership Benefits

As a Grokkist Member, you’re part of a circle of active grokkists walking the grokkist path. Here’s what membership includes:

• 🟣 Member-Only Gatherings
• 🧩 Three Self-Guided Courses (Red Thread, Ecosophy, ADHD Meditation)
• 🍲 One ‘Quick Win’ Session per Year
• 🛠 Ongoing Groksmithing Project Support at Member Rates
• 📚 Free eBooks from Grokkist Press
• ❤️‍🔥 30% Discount on Courses and Ticketed Events
• 🎭 Featured Member Profile
• 📣 Post Calls, Invitations, and Events
• ✨ Early Access to Pilots and Prototypes
• ▶️ Events Recording Library
• ⭐️ Digital Member Badge

👉 Your membership also helps fund the operating costs of Grokkist and supports community-led projects and initiatives.

Become a Grokkist Member - $75/yr

A pair of parting thoughts...

“It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work, and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.” ― Wendell Berry

“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.” ― Arthur Miller