“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” — Groucho Marx
As a grokkist, you’ve probably internalised the idea that you don’t fit.
You’ve likely spent much of your life as a category of one, and over time, you may have come to wear that as a badge of pride.
Unbelonging became a kind of superpower—fuelling your independence, curiosity, and unorthodox way of navigating the world.
But even as a category of one, there’s still a pull toward connection.
You’ve built resilience around your unbelonging, maybe even turned it into armour. The world hasn’t always known what to do with the full complexity of who you are, and in response, you learned to be okay with that, creating your own path. But deep down, none of us want to be invisible.
The world hasn’t always known what to do with the full complexity of who you are, and you learned to be okay with that. But deep down, none of us want to be invisible.
Belonging doesn’t have to mean fitting in.
It means being fully seen for all your contradictions, curiosities, and complexities. And while the idea of being fully seen can feel vulnerable, even intimidating, there’s no rush or expectation.
This isn’t about fitting into anyone else’s mould and there’s no need to follow any set path or conform to a particular belief.
It’s about recognising that you, as a category of one, already make sense just as you are. In the grokkiverse, you have the freedom to let yourself be seen as much or as little as feels right for you, at your own pace.
You can show up as your shoes-off self—the version of you that doesn’t need to explain, justify, or hide.
Maybe there’s a version of yourself you’ve been quietly nurturing, but the world hasn’t had space for it yet. Or maybe you’re still stitching together the pieces of who you are, unsure of how they all fit. That’s okay.
Here, you can experiment, stretch into different versions of yourself without the fear of being judged or misunderstood.
The more you lean into who you are, the question shifts from “How do I fit in?” to “How can I show up as more of myself?” Claiming your place in the world, on your terms, opens up new possibilities for yourself and for how you experience the world.
The more you lean into who you are, the question shifts from “How do I fit in?” to “How can I show up as more of myself?”
And yet, there’s a limit to how far self-reflection can take you.
You can’t bite your own teeth, and you can’t see your full self alone. That’s why places like this exist. Being fully seen requires others.
In this space—whether it’s a community like the Grokkist Network or something you’re creating for yourself—belonging doesn’t require conformity, but it does require connection. Being seen for who you are helps you see yourself more clearly.
When you meet another category of one, there’s a sense of recognition—not necessarily because you share the same interests, but because you share a way of being in the world.
It’s a moment of relief and excitement—a feeling of oh, you too?
You’re not too much, and you’re not missing anything. You belong—not because you’ve found a perfect fit, but because you’ve stopped trying to fit at all.
And the more you show up as you are, the more you’ll notice others like you—each walking their own path but traveling in the same spirit of curiosity, complexity, and care.
You don’t need permission to belong here. Just start by showing up as your shoes-off self—the rest will follow.
What strengths have I gained from my experience of unbelonging, and how might I invite connection without losing them?
Who in my life reflects the truest version of me back to myself?
How might I open up to being fully seen, without rushing the process?
What part of myself do I want to explore more deeply in the company of others?
Wandering with purpose
In this Still Curious episode, Grace Liaw shares her journey of navigating life on her own terms—taking unexpected turns, rebuilding a career, and forming her own unique path through family, education, and work. It’s a story of breaking from prescribed roles and finding belonging in ways that don’t fit the norm. Grace reflects on being “out of sync” with others and how life’s complexities often make us feel isolated, yet reveal our need for connection.
Danu Poyner
Explore further
Curious about how we’re creating community for people who don’t fit in? This short grokkumentary dives into the essence of grokkistry—a playful, unorthodox way of approaching life that’s grounded in curiosity and care. You’ll get a feel for the Grokkist community’s values and why it exists as a space where you can truly be your shoes-off self, free from any need to conform. It’s an invitation to explore how you already belong in the grokkiverse, entirely on your own terms.
Danu Poyner